The Never Moor

**UPDATE 10/02/2009**
Draft #2

“The Never Moor” by Scott Dimmick

Tread light upon this soggy ground
‘Tis wisdom to not make a sound
The netherworlds, what lies beneath
The Raven’s message riddle replete
“Never Moor” is what he said,
“Will reunite you with your dead.”
So go, make haste, ‘fore he takes wing
The dead grow close All Hallows’ Eve

After receiving some feedback on my first draft, I made the above changes. What do you think?

Draft #1

“The Never Moor” by Scott Dimmick

Tread lightly upon this soggy ground
‘Tis wisdom to not make a sound
The netherworlds, what lies beneath
The Raven’s message, riddle replete
“Never Moor” is what he said,
“To Will reunite you with your dead.”
So go, make haste, be‘fore his flight he takes wing
The dead grow close All Hallows’ Eve night

This is a draft of a poem that I am working on for my yard haunt. I am thinking of calling it The Never Moor.